


Tired

by reallydontcare4



Category: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Bullying, Homophobia, Insecurity, M/M, Warning for slurs and violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2018-11-11 12:42:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11148642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reallydontcare4/pseuds/reallydontcare4
Summary: After the events of the book, Simon continues facing discrimination in school. His efforts to hide it cause a rift between him and Bram.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to thank bansheee for helping inspire me to write this. They're a really good writer, and I'd suggest you check them out. Hope you enjoy!

Simon kept his hands tight on his backpack strap as he hurried through the nearly empty halls of his high school. As he passes two jocks he doesn’t even recognize, his grip tightens and he pretends not to see them in the hopes they do the same.

It becomes clear his efforts are for nothing, though, when he hears a coughed out slur and the following overly proud chuckles. It’s as if they think they’re being original or something.

 _‘News flash,’_ Simon thinks bitterly, _‘you’re not.’_

Still, he needs to get home and he knows this is a fight he can’t win, so he clenches his jaw and settles for making comebacks in his head. It’s not like this is the first time. After he was forcefully shoved out of the closet, some people started to be a little more… unpleasant, at least when anything Simon-related was involved. He’s heard so many insults it’s not even close to funny, but he’s not the biggest fan of conflict and he’s not about to make a scene in the middle of school. Honestly, he’s starting to get used to this, and that thought depresses him more than anything else.

20 minutes later, he’s swinging open the door to his bedroom and shrugging off his backpack with a sigh. Collapsing into his bed, he takes a second to just enjoy the moment, where he can pretend the outside world doesn’t exist and he can lie there forever.

A sudden buzzing noise startles him out of his trance. With a little bit of shuffling, he manages to get his phone out of his pocket, seeing a text notification pop up. A smile finds its way onto Simon’s face as he sees it’s from Bram, wishing him a good night. Simon types out a response, still smiling goofily. He’s not entirely sure when they became that kind of couple, but at the moment he can’t find it within himself to care.

Before pressing send, he remembers that he’s been a little distant from his boyfriend lately. It’s not that he didn’t like him anymore, it’s that he liked him too much. People at school have made it clear they are not fans, and while Simon doesn’t want to let it get to him, he finds himself worrying. He’s pretty sure no one’s said anything to Bram, but Bram is more shy and awkward and adorable, and Simon doesn’t want him getting hurt. If that happened, it would be Simon’s fault, and he would feel furious with himself.

He ends up sending the text, because he doesn’t want Bram to think he’s mad at him. Simon groans out, frustrated with his situation. He doesn’t want to start fights in school, but he doesn’t want his friends to get involved either. In an attempt to distract himself, he pulls out a box of oreos from under his bed. It’s his emergency stash, for when he’s upset and doesn’t want to risk interaction in the kitchen. He doesn’t have any homework that day, so he watches videos on his phone and stuffs his face with his favorite food until he drifts off, dreaming of a cute soccer player with brown eyes.

The next morning, he drags himself out of bed lazily and gets ready at the speed of an average sloth. After he parks at school, he wishes Nora good luck on her test and hurries out, ignoring her odd look. He knows she suspects something’s going on, but he also knows he shouldn’t drag her into this. As he approaches his locker, he sees Abby and Nick waiting for him.

“Hey!” Abby grins, “We got these tickets for the new movie coming out today. Leah already said yes, and we have two extras for you and Bram.”

Before Simon can open his mouth to respond, Bram walks up to the locker and gives the trio a small smile.

“Hey, Nick, Abby. Hey, Simon.” He leaned closer and reached for his boyfriend’s hand. Simon couldn’t help but pull away. He could feel eyes on them from people in the halls. They still weren’t used to a same-sex couple, and he didn’t want to give the jerks more ammo.

Bram looked so hurt, and Simon felt like the biggest jerk in the world. He forced a smile and laughed awkwardly, hoping to dispel the tension. Eventually, Nick broke the silence.

“So, Bram. We were just asking Simon if he wanted to see a movie today. Wanna come with?”

“Uhh, yeah, I’d be okay with that. Are you going, Simon?” Bram said slowly, watching him out of the corner of his eyes.

Simon mulled it over in his head. It’s not that he didn’t want to go, because he totally did. The movie itself seemed cool, and it would just be made better with his best friends and boyfriend. He started trying to calculate the probability of running into someone from school, but gave up quickly. He wasn’t really a math person anyways.

“Are you ok?” Abby asked, a worried look in her eyes. Simon was quick to reassure her, but his three friends still looked doubtful.

That was the other problem. He shouldn’t let random dickheads stop him from having a good time with his friends, right? And if his friends found out he was being harassed… well, he wasn’t really looking forward to seeing them go to jail. He pushed his worried thoughts away and took a deep breath, pasting on a familiar smile and hoping it could pass for easygoing.

“Yeah, let’s do it!”

God, he was tired of this. Something was bound to give eventually, and Simon had a sinking feeling that that something was going to happen sooner rather than later.


	2. Turning a Corner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon makes a small mistake and the world comes crashing down around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh! I'm sorry it took so long for me to update. It's like the second I posted the first chapter, events and responsibilities just started popping up out of nowhere. I hope you like this chapter! I got a little carried away with it so it's longer than I'd originally planned it to be.

It was quiet for once in the Spier household. Simon’s parents were out and Nora was splayed on the couch reading something. Simon stared unblinkingly at a blank word document that he couldn’t remember what he’d opened for. It’d been a few weeks since he’d started really being… targeted. ‘ _Bullied_ ’, his mind filled in, but he pushed it away. It sounded off. Like it couldn’t happen to him. Like it’s just something he sees in movies or suspects is happening to a distant classmate. But as he stares at the computer in front of him, all he can think about is that. Bullies. Why they target people, and why they insult, and why he still goes to school every day even though he knows the same people are going to be there again.

“Hey, Nora?” His voice finally breaks the silence as his sister looks up from the book.

“Yeah?” She replies, eyes drifting lazily back to the book without actually continuing her reading.

“Why do you think people live?” This got her attention. She looked up, confused and startled.

“What do you mean?” She said slowly.

“Nothing, it’s just that people get up every day and do the things they do every day. Why do they do that? Why do they act like they do, and say what they say?” He sounded lost in thought, and Nora wondered if he was even still talking to her.

“Are you ok, Simon?” She was getting really worried now. He’d been kind of detached from the world lately, and this sudden question really scared her.

“What? No, yeah, I’m fine. The thought just struck me, you know? The whole meaning of life thing.” He hurried to reassure her, but it didn’t work very well.

“Umm… happiness, I guess? People do what they do so that they can be happy.” Nora said after an awkward pause.

Simon didn’t seem satisfied with the response, and seemed thoughtful as he quickly excused himself to his room.

That night, Simon went to sleep hoping Nora would leave the subject alone, and Nora went to sleep thinking about how she should handle the next day.

They both went to sleep wishing he hadn’t asked that.

  
“Nora, you ready to go?” Simon asked distractedly the next morning, checking he had all his work.

“Yeah, I just have to grab my shoes real quick. I think I left them upstairs, but my legs hurt because I tripped getting out of bed. Get them for me?” Nora responded hopefully.

Simon gave her a long look, which she countered with puppy-dog eyes, and he eventually sighed dramatically and turned to go up the stairs. The second he was out of sight, Nora started digging through his backpack. It didn’t take long for her to grab the food he’d packed for lunch, which she then hurried to hide in the very back of the fridge. Hearing Simon’s steps down the stairs, she was quick to zip the backpack closed and give Simon a grateful smile as he entered the room.

She continued thinking about her not-very-thought-out plan on the car ride and throughout her first few classes, constantly checking the time for lunch to start. She didn’t usually have set things to do and waiting made her feel antsy. Finally, they were excused to lunch, and she sat down at an empty table to watch for her cue.

Simon sat down with all his friends during lunch, ignoring the start of their conversation in favor of rooting through his backpack. He’d packed a pretty good lunch today, but he couldn’t find it for the life of him.

“What’s wrong?” Bram asked, sitting next to him. At this, everyone else turned to look, nosy as they were.

“I can’t find my lunch, which is weird because I could have sworn I packed it. God, my backpack’s basically a black hole of papers and books.” Simon complained. “I guess I’m going to go buy lunch then.”

He stood up and went off to the lunch line as everyone else returned to their conversations. However, they were interrupted again when suddenly Nora appeared in front of them.

“Simon went to buy food.” Nick told her matter-of-factly, assuming that she’d come for her brother.

“I know.” She responded rather casually. “I stole his lunch.”

Everyone did a double-take, no one having expected this answer.

“Nora, you stole his lunch? Why?” Leah asked, trying to see how this could be a reasonable action.

“I need to talk to you guys. Have you noticed Simon acting weirdly?” Everyone looked at each other, unsure of what to say. They had all noticed something was weird with Simon, but none of them had said anything about it, either because they assumed it was personal or because no one else had mentioned it.

“Simon’s been a little distant lately.” Bram finally admitted, looking down. Garrett put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

Everyone else nodded their agreement, and Nora’s mouth became a tight line.

“I noticed that too, and I’m getting really worried. Last night he asked me why people had a reason to live. He acted casual about it, but that’s not a normal thing to ask!” She explained, taking in their expressions of concern with relief. She’d been a little paranoid that she was overreacting. She may have exaggerated his question a little, but it was still a weird thing to ask, and she just wanted to help her brother.

Abby opened her mouth to say something, but Simon appeared next to her with a tray of food.

“Hey, Nora.” He said, surprised by her presence. “What are you doing here?”

“Uhh…” Shoot. She hadn’t thought this part through. “I was just wondering if you wanted to go somewhere after school? We could hang out, and do some… sibling bonding?”

“Alright, sure. I’m up for it if you are.” Simon responded, deciding to ignore how oddly uncertain she sounded. Nora nodded and hurried off to where her table of friends sat, as Simon turned and sat down.

He began to eat, but stopped after a few forkfuls of mashed potatoes. Looking up, he realized the entire table was staring at him with matching expressions of worry.

“Hey, guys, what’s going on?” He chuckled awkwardly, wondering what had happened in the few minutes he was gone.

“I don’t know, Simon, what is going on?” Leah retorted, and Simon jerked a little at her aggressive response.

“Yeah, dude. You’ve been really distracted lately. Did anything happen?” Nick added on, and Abby was soon behind.

“We just want to know if you’re ok.”

Simon leaned back with wide eyes, automatically switching onto defense mode. What the hell was happening?

“Woah, guys, calm down. Why are you guys ganging up on me? I’m fine, I swear. If something was happening, which it’s not, and I didn’t tell you, it would mean that I’m handling it. Believe me.” He looked around the table at furrowed eyebrows and unconvinced eyes. Simon looked to Bram for support, but his boyfriend just stared back, looking helpless and scared.

Simon stared at the center of the table in disbelief and betrayal, though he wasn’t entirely sure what had even happened or why he felt betrayed. Garrett opened his mouth to say something, but Simon roughly pulled his chair back and rushed out of the cafeteria.

As he passed through the halls, he mentally counted to ten and tried to ward off the panic that threatened to overtake him. He finally reached his class and slumped into the seat, and the last remaining minutes of lunch flew by as the bell rang. Kids filtered in and the teacher continued the lesson, but Simon wasn’t paying attention to any of it. His mind was elsewhere.

Where had he gone wrong? He was so careful. He hadn’t wanted to worry them over nothing. After all, it was nothing, wasn’t it? He had gotten used to the name calling and jeers, and he’d hidden the few bruises he’d gotten. No one was going to know about this. If they knew about it, they’d think he was being weak. Bram would think he was weak. And what if he took his side? What if the other soccer players turn against him? What if he loses everything he worked for just because Simon couldn’t _fucking handle it._ He was fine. He had to be fine. They had no right to be worried. Simon had been _so careful_. He’d worked so hard to act normal, to hide everything, so why were they worried? What did they know? _How_ did they know?

 _Nora_.

She’d been at the table. She didn’t know much, but she knew about their conversation. That was personal, damn it! She had no right to tell them about any of that. She’d made them overly anxious over nothing! Simon didn’t need help, nor did he deserve their worry. He was nothing, they were worried over nothing. Anger filled him and clouded his mind, swirling in with so many different emotions. Thoughts ran through his head, each one fighting for dominance, and he couldn’t hear anything from the outside world.

_I did this to them._

_I can’t believe Nora would do that to me._

_I didn’t even eat lunch._

_Why didn’t they believe me?_

_Why do they care at all?_

_Why should they care about a stupid nothing like me?_

_Is this what a mental breakdown feels like?_

His hands were balled up so tightly that he could feel his nails cutting into his palms. This was all too much. It felt like everyone was staring at him, and all the emotions he’d been suppressing for weeks were coming back tenfold.

Simon felt something hit him, and a crumpled up piece of paper landed on the desk. He turned around and saw someone he didn’t even slightly recognize glaring at him. A big someone, with tough-looking friends. Great, fantastic, just what he needed, he thought hysterically as the final bell rung.

He shoved his things into his backpack and basically sprinted down the halls until he finally made it outside. He suddenly couldn’t breathe, there wasn’t any air anymore. He felt like he was shaking violently and his heart was going to rip itself out of his chest at any moment and _why couldn’t he breathe?_

“Hey, fag!” A voice yelled, and he looked up to see the guy from class approaching him, flanked by his friends. Simon backed up until he hit a wall, and he realized that he’d just trapped himself. Even worse, he knew this corner. Simon knew the soccer field was right around the corner- if he screamed he could alert his friends, who were bound to be around there. He opened his mouth, but to his horror, nothing came out. He still couldn’t breathe, only now it was worse, and this was what he’d been dreading.

 _‘At least it’s not Bram getting attacked’_ he thought detachedly as the others got closer. He felt lightheaded and _was_ _that a baseball bat? Oh, this is so not good._ He pressed himself against the wall and swallowed thickly. His friends were right around the corner. Oh god, he’s about to die while his friends are right around the corner. Simon looked at the eyes of his attackers and thought it was almost funny that they looked just like he was pretty sure he was about to be.

Dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to update sometime in the next week or so, since after next week I'll be less busy. Hopefully, you enjoyed the chapter! I think I have the basic plot of the rest of the fic planned out, but if you want anything specific or just have thoughts on where it is right now, feel free to comment!


	3. Salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon gets saved, but is it in time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, sorry it's so late, but at least it's here! I hope it was worth the wait!

_'Oh god, oh god, oh god'_ is all Simon can think, playing on repeat in his uncontrolled panic.

 

     The middle guy (who Simon can't help but think of as Goon 1) slowly comes closer and closer, his disturbing smile making him feel more like he was facing a serial killer than a classmate. Simon opens his mouth to say something, anything, but is interrupted by a sudden blinding pain in his head. As he recovers, he has the passing thought that Goon 1 had punched him, causing his head to snap back into the brick wall. It's a surprisingly put-together thought, considering that Simon feels like he's on the verge of falling apart. He discreetly sneaks his hand into his pocket and grabs his phone in the hopes of calling someone, but Goon 1 knees him in the stomach and he crumples to the ground like a jenga tower.

 

     He manages to kick out his leg, and feels slightly proud as he trips up one of the other two, kicking his leg out from under him. Unfortunately, the moment is short-lived as he quickly receives a swift but harsh kick to the ribs in retribution. _'Worth it,'_ he still thinks as he groggily watches Goon 2 clumsily get up. His vision is a little blurry, most likely due to the fact that he smacked his head against the wall and then the floor. He can still make out the figure of Goon 1 towering over him, looking disgusted.

 

     "You think you're so special, don't you? Prancing around, acting like you deserve the world just because you're an abomination. Well, guess what? You don't. The only thing a perverted little _fag_ like you deserves," Simon flinches at the way he says the slur, "is a slow death and an eternity in hell. Don't worry." The bully smirks at his friends, "This won't be quick."

 

     He grabs the bat from Goon 3 on his right and raises it up after finishing his stupid monologue, preparing to, Simon fearfully assumes, make good on his words.

 

     A sudden movement from the left distracts them all, and they look to see Bram standing there. He's frozen in place, brown eyes frantic and terrified as he heaves in deep breaths. He's clutching his cell phone, and Simon thinks that his attempt to call someone must have actually worked. There's an odd moment of silence, where everyone waits to see Bram's reaction and his eyes dart from the goons, to the raised bat, to, finally, Simon. Simon stares numbly back, mind blissfully blank in the face of his pain. Bram recovers before the others do, and then he does something Simon didn't think was possible for someone like him.

 

He loses his fucking mind.

 

     "What the FUCK IS HAPPENING?! Why the fuck are you attacking him, you absolute homophobic piece of human garbage?! He is awesome, and funny, and sweet, and if you ever even TOUCH him again I will fucking _end you._ Do you fucking hear me? I swear to god I will beat you so hard you'll be forced to go back to hell with your tails tucked between your legs if you don't fucking _back away from him right now._ " An unfamiliar fire dances in Bram's eyes and he twitches his hands like he's holding himself back from moving. Simon makes a small noise of surprise in the back of his throat because he's never seen Bram this upset, and Bram usually doesn't even like swear words, yet here he is yelling profanities like a trucker.

 

     Goon 1 just smirks back at his two friends and takes a step towards Bram. "What's the matter? Don't like seeing the little fag get what he-"

 

     To everyone's surprise, Bram punches him in the face before he can even finish his sentence. Nick, Garrett, Leah, and Abby come rushing around the corner, skidding to a stop just in time to see Bram practically tackle Goon 1 to the ground. The four of them stand shocked for a second before the other two goons rush to fight off Bram, snapping them back into action. Leah tries to hold off one of the goons while Garrett jumps to defend Bram. Nick, meanwhile, tries to pry him off of Goon 1 in an attempt to hopefully avoid his expulsion, and Abby hurries to Simon's side. 

 

     "Oh my god, Simon, are you okay?! Okay, no, stupid question, I know. It'll be fine, I promise. Here." She digs into her pocket and pulls out some tissues, dabbing at Simon's head. He's strangely fascinated by the color of the tissue as it comes away red. Simon suddenly becomes hyper aware of his own breathing, and tries to remember how to do it. He looks around, feeling oddly safe at the sight of his friends.

 

     The two backup goons are gone and Simon's friends are working on calming Bram down as the lead Goon runs off with an angry scowl. Simon tries to call Bram's name, but it comes out as a mangled groan instead. Everyone's heads snap towards him as Bram finally comes back to himself, rushing over to his boyfriend. 

 

     "Oh God, Simon? We need to get you to a hospital. He's bleeding, he could have a concussion. Don't fall asleep Simon. Come on, stay awake! Oh God, please don't fall asleep, Simon, please. Please." Bram babbles in panic as the others gather around.

 

     Simon drifts off to Bram's voice and faint words of desperation.

 

"Please don't leave me."

 

" _I love you_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Bram heard the attack over the phone. Sorry, again. Writing long things on my tablet is kind of annoying to me, so it took a long time for me to get over my irritation. The next chapter will show a little of this one from Bram's perspective and will address his reaction to it.


	4. Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bram's POV of the last chapter plus a little more, basically.

Bram bounced his leg nervously and tried to keep his focus on the teacher at the front of the class, but it was proving irritatingly difficult. His main distraction was Simon, though for a different reason than usual. His boyfriend had been oddly distant lately, and it scared Bram more than he’d like to admit. He could already feel himself overanalyzing everything in a desperate attempt to figure out the cause.

 

Was it something he said? Something he did? He kept refusing to show affection in public, and finding excuses not to go out and do things together. Simon was probably going to break up with him. That’s what that meant, right? He finally realized he could do better, or maybe he regretted getting together in the first place, or-

 

Bram bit his lip hard and continued to try, in vain, to calm his nerves as the seconds ticked by like molasses. When the class was dismissed for lunch, he took a deep breath and gathered his things. Everything would work itself out eventually, or so he told himself as he hurried out into the hall. He was relieved that he would see his friends again, they always calmed him down (which he supposed was odd, given some of their semi-rambunctious natures), and it’d maybe give him a chance to pull Simon aside and talk to him.

 

Yeah, this lunch was exactly what he needed.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_That was so not what he needed._

 

It was now the last class of the day, and Bram didn’t even pretend to try to pay attention to the lesson. He was horrified at the situation he was in, and he could tell that the others felt the same. No one who was ‘fine’ asked if there was a reason to live. Was Simon in danger? What if he did something reckless? Bram wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something like that happened. How could he let it get this far in the first place? All because he was too nervous to actually confront his own boyfriend about it.

 

He sighed, sinking further down into his seat. They hadn’t handled it well at all in the face of Nora’s new information. Subtlety was clearly not their forte. They went right into questioning, and Simon had jumped to the defensive. Not that Bram could blame him, really, with how quickly it all escalated. Still, he felt a little upset that Simon hadn’t thought to come to him about it. He would have tried to help him, at least as best he could. Bram can’t fix anything if he doesn’t know what it is that needs fixing.

 

The bell rang again and he haphazardly threw his papers from the class into his backpack, only half paying attention to the movements. It was uncharacteristic of him, and under normal circumstances, it probably would have bothered him, but he ignored it.

 

He changed quickly and got out to the soccer field, because practice was going to start soon enough, and this is where his friends usually met up after school. Nick and Garrett were already in their soccer clothes, talking quietly to the girls. Bram wasn't really surprised that Simon wasn't there after what happened in the cafeteria, but his stomach twisted painfully nonetheless.

 

They quiet down as he approaches, but relax a little as they realize it’s just him. He knows they were talking about Simon, and it makes him both relieved and guilty. Their coach calls them over, and all the players start jogging to the center of the field. Bram slows to a walk as he feels the familiar buzz of his phone in the pocket of his shorts, and he slips it out quickly. Despite all his anxiety and stress, he feels an automatic smile find its way onto his face at the picture of his boyfriend that lights up the screen as he presses ‘accept’.

 

The first thing he hears is a shuffle of something (clothing?) and harsh breathing. He barely has a split second to wonder if Simon called on accident before he hears a pained grunt and a thud, accompanied by more rough noises of what Bram assumes is the phone brushing against some sort of pocket.

 

He stops mid-step, feeling himself freeze entirely. He’s not even sure he’s breathing. The previous thud is closely followed by the sound of something falling a little further away, which must be a person, if the muttered curse is anything to go by.

 

By now, Nick and Garrett have turned to look at Bram, who’s gone pale and is clutching the phone to his ear like a lifeline, seemingly detached from the world.

 

“Greenfeld?” The coach says, and that does it.

 

Bram goes sprinting off, not even sure where he’s going. All he knows is that he’s got to get there, he’s got to help Simon. Simon, _who’s in danger._

 

Through the phone, he hears a muffled voice spewing absolute garbage, and every word gives another painful stab to his heart as he runs in the general direction of the front of the school, sure that Simon would have been heading to his car.

 

He turns the corner sharply, and skids to an abrupt halt as he sees them.

 

Breathing isn’t a thing he can really do right now as he feels himself panting frantically. It’s like there’s no air in the universe and Bram could hardly care less because there are three guys, and there’s a fucking baseball bat, and it’s raised to hit-

 

Simon.

 

There. There he is. Bram feels an odd rush of relief at having found him, followed immediately with horror and confusion at the scene. He stares at large, gray eyes that stare back, unnervingly blank.

 

Suddenly, everything starts to click into place. Sure, Bram had his share of discrimination, some whispered insults in the halls, but this was worse. Bullying. The reason why Simon couldn’t hold his hand in public or go out on dates to the local theater. He was getting attacked for it, and Bram didn’t know because he had the advantage of being in the jock circle, making him a riskier target than a drama kid.

 

It made sense, and now Bram has someone to blame, something to fix. All the anxiety, stress, and sadness that had been building up was overwhelming, and the sight of Simon crumpled on the floor like a ragdoll added a fury that pushed him right over the edge.

 

Bram likes to think of himself as a reasonable person. He is calm, collected, and quiet. He doesn’t like to yell, or confront people, or let his emotions get the better of him. In fact, he prides himself on his ability to keep his emotions in check and to himself, at least most of the time. But this?

 

This was not okay. Nothing about this was even remotely okay.

 

He loses it. He feels himself screaming, yelling at the assholes to get away or else, hands balled up so tightly he’s almost surprised his phone doesn’t break.

 

Baseball Bat Guy steps forward and starts talking, which is so not the right move. Bram winds his arm back, and, with everything he has, he punches the guy square in the face. It hurts his hand, and even he’s surprised that he actually did that, but he goes with it. With the momentum of his hit, he throws himself at the guy, determined to get him away from the boy still lying against the wall.

 

He wrestles with the bully for a moment, and the other guy almost gets the upper hand before Garrett's suddenly there, helping fight him. Nick's trying to tug him away from the fight, and Bram knows he should go with it as he sees the two other guys running off. Nick checks him over quickly, and the lead guy shoots them a dirty look, muttering something threatening as he hurries off.

 

“Yeah, you’d better run, jackass!” Garrett calls after them, before turning his attention on his best friend. “What the hell was that?”

 

Bram shakes his head and looks down, still a mess of nerves and anger. There’s a weird groan that sounds vaguely like his name, and his attention snaps to Simon. He hurries over as he assesses the situation, terrified by the now red tissue Abby is still dabbing on Simon’s head. He babbles desperately and tries his best to keep Simon awake, but it seems to no avail.

 

This can’t be happening. This isn’t happening. Simon needs to stay awake, he needs to be awake, he can’t do this, he just _can’t._

“I love you.” Bram hears his own voice say through a lump in his throat, but it feels like it’s too late. Simon has gone limp and his eyes have closed. Leah’s speaking urgently into her cell phone, probably calling an ambulance, and Abby’s hand is covering her mouth. Nick keeps shaking Simon, as if expecting him to wake up, and Garrett’s pacing anxiously with his hands on his head.

 

They must have caused some commotion, because a few kids have come to see what happened, only worsened by the nearing sound of sirens. There are gasps as people take in the situation, and Nora finds her way to the front of the crowd. She makes eye contact with Bram, and her eyes are confused as her gaze drifts downwards. The crease between her furrowed eyebrows disappears as her face goes slack in horrified shock, taking in her apparently unconscious and bleeding brother. She’s by their side in the blink of an eye, checking the damage done.

 

“What happened?!” She asks desperately, turning to Bram again. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out, so he closes it again. EMTs break through the growing crowd and gently shoo the teens away from their friend. They check Simon’s breathing and heartbeat before hoisting him onto a stretcher, and Nora helplessly follows behind them, explaining that she's his sister. They watch her get into the ambulance as she calls her parents, and everything feels surreal.

 

“I’ll drive.” Garrett says, digging the keys out of his pocket as everyone rushes to his car. The ride to the hospital feels like it takes forever, but it’s also done in a moment, and Bram’s not sure how that works. Abby pushes another tissue into his hands and he looks at it blankly for a moment before realizing he’s been crying. He thanks her and wipes his eyes, and they’re seated in the hospital waiting room surrounded by old magazines. Bram feels numb, and he thinks the others might too, with the way they all kind of stare at nothing in particular. This kind of thing doesn’t happen to them. It just doesn’t.

 

Under the layer of nothingness, though, he can feel fear bubbling up, threatening to spill out. Questions like _what if Simon got a concussion_ , and _what if Simon never woke up,_ and _is there something I could have done to stop it?_

 

He’s not sure how much time passes before Simon’s parents are bursting through the hospital doors, looking frazzled and worried. Nora peels herself away from Leah’s side and goes over to them, and they share a family hug. It’s almost a nice moment, out of context. But the reality looms over them like a dark cloud.

 

The police show up, too, trying to gain information and using words like “assault” and “hate crime”. When it comes to his turn, he answers as best he can, but he doesn’t really know what to say. Did he know the kids who did it? No. Would he be able to describe them? Maybe. Did he see Simon get hurt? Not really. The cops look at him sympathetically and he curls into himself a little, not wanting to see their pity. They didn’t even know Simon.

 

Simon, who was obsessed with oreos. Simon, the talented theater kid with perpetual bed head. Simon, with the adorable laugh and moon-gray eyes.

 

Bram really doesn’t know what he’d do without Simon, and he doesn’t want to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh, I am so sorry for the wait! I didn't think anyone cared about the fic, and I was also faced with writers block, and I kind of gave up on it. Thank you to those of you who commented and inspired me to keep writing, and I really hope you like the new chapter!!  
> There should be around two more chapters after this one, btw, maybe more.
> 
> Please comment, they feed my family and water my crops.


	5. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I? Am So Sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me, honestly. All my motivation has flown out the window, but here it is! I know this chapter's kind of short, but I finally found the guts to finish and post it. I'll try to write more soon, and I did enjoy finishing this chapter, so I hope it's good! I hope you like it! I'm very sorry for my terrible posting habits!

They sit in silence a little longer in the waiting room after the police leave, and it’s almost like people are afraid to break the newfound quiet. In the shock of the moment, it was easier to get lost in panic and motion and do what you were told, but now it’s just a matter of patience, and no one knows what to do with that. Everything still has a film of surrealism to it, like none of it could possibly be real, and you could just wake up in bed and laugh to yourself in uncomfortable relief that you’d dreamed it.

 

Bram would give anything to wake up right now.

 

But he doesn’t. Because it’s real. All the sad glances the small group share between themselves, the shaky breaths, the stark white walls surrounding them. All of it.

 

After what seems like an agonizingly long period of time, a doctor steps out and asks for ‘Spier’, and everyone scrambles out of their seats. He insists on primarily addressing Simon’s family in a low voice for privacy, and from the distance between them, his friends hear small tidbits of the diagnosis.

 

“Moderate concussion… might be out for a little while… minor head wounds… internal bruising of the abdomen…”

 

Bram thinks he might be sick, and from the look of the others, he doesn’t think he’s the only one. Eventually, they see Simon’s parents nod and the man leads them away, where non-family members can’t follow. Now they’re stuck alone in the waiting room again, but the silence doesn’t last long.

 

“Who the hell even were those guys?” Leah bursts out after a moment, her angry tone only slightly undermined by a choked up voice.

 

“I don’t know but I swear to God if I ever find out, I’m going to kill them.” Nick’s voice wavers with a silent fury none of them have ever heard before, and it’s vaguely terrifying.

 

“It’s going to be okay.” Bram hears a quiet voice, and it takes him a moment to realize it’s his own. He’s not even sure if he’s trying to convince his friends or himself. “It’s going to be okay, alright? It has to be.”

 

“No…” Nick says softly, staring down at the floor as he shakes his head. “No, I’ve known Simon since we were four years old… and I have _never_ seen him like that. Not even close. Don’t fucking tell me it’s going to be okay, Greenfeld, because it won’t.”

 

“Okay, woah.” Abby puts a placating hand on his arm, looking up at the others with her own red-rimmed eyes. “I think we need to take a moment to collect ourselves, because there’s nothing we can do right now other than hope for the best, alright? We’re no good to Simon if we’re busy falling apart. He wouldn’t want that.”

 

“Abby’s right.” Garrett breathes out, rocking back on his heels. “We need something to distract ourselves.”

 

“Oh, sure, speaking of new topics, Bram.” Leah turns to him, wiping her eyes and changing her expression to one of surprise. “You kicked their asses.”

 

“Yeah, I’ve known you for years and you’ve never lost your temper like that before.” Garrett says, his tone sounding almost proud as he puts a hand on Bram’s shoulder.

 

“Out of anyone in the school, they deserved it the most. They got off easy.” Abby adds, slumping back into her seat.

 

“I-I don’t know.” Bram says quietly, fiddling with his hands. “I’m usually good with that, but I just… I don’t know. I hated seeing him like that.”

 

“No kidding.” Leah laughs humorlessly. “Seeing him broken there might have been one of the worst things I’ve ever had to see.”

 

It’s silent once more as everyone reflects on the day they’ve had, each wishing they’d done something differently.

 

It’s Nick who breaks the silence next.

 

“Is it true? What you said back there, I mean.”

 

Bram blinks blankly for a minute before Abby clarifies for her boyfriend.

 

“I think he means that you kind of confessed your love there, Romeo.” For the first time in hours, there’s a small smile playing on her lips, and some of the others in the small group chuckle.

 

Bram blushes and laughs wetly, tears still dangerously close to falling, and he thinks about the past few months, and his relationship with Simon.

 

He thinks about a boy who loved Harry Potter, and hid in a bathroom at a school dance, and would probably murder someone for a box of Oreos.

 

He thinks about the boy with moon gray eyes, with the adorable laugh and messy hair.

 

He thinks about Simon Goddamn Spier, and-

 

Oh god. Yeah.

 

Yeah, he meant it.

 

He loves that boy.

 

His heart feels like it’s going to explode as he feels himself fill with joy and anxiety at this realization because _love._ Is this what love feels like? He’s just a teenager, and that makes him think that he’s too young, but the never-able-to-stop-thinking-about-him part? The he-makes-me-better part? The I-would-do-anything-for-him part?

 

Those make him think there’s no better feeling in the world.

 

He can’t quite find it in himself to say anything, so he just nods. He finds himself smiling and laughing a little too giddily for a moment, momentarily forgetting their circumstances, but it’s a well needed distraction.

 

“Crap, now I really need to give you the shovel talk.” Leah jokes good-naturedly.

 

For a few glorious moments, everyone’s smiling and teasing Bram, and it’s good. It’s normal. For a few glorious moments, everything’s okay.

 

Eventually, reality crashes onto Bram hard, but he fights it as best he can, desperate for the relief of denial. Still, the anxieties come crushing back, and he almost feels like this realization couldn’t come at a worse time. Here he is, apparently in love with a boy who’s in the hospital with a concussion, and whose full state of injuries they’re still very unaware of. Everything feels too risky, and he kind of feels like he can’t breathe. But he fights these feelings, and he jokes with the others for a bit, relieved to see their stress temporarily put on the backburner.

 

Soon enough, it’ll come rushing in, and they’ll drown again in the truth of what happened and where they are, but now is not that time yet. For now, maybe he can pretend everything’s okay. He can pretend Simon’s at home thinking about The Bachelor and that he’s going to text at any moment.

 

While the others talk, Bram leans his head against the back of the chair and closes his eyes, swallowing hard.

 

_Please, Simon._

_Please don’t leave me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is? garbage  
> i'm sorry
> 
> also i realize a new bunch of people probably came from the movie which is great! welcome! i am basing this off the book, so the character descriptions may be a tad off (i.e. eye color) but overall it doesn't really matter so you can imagine them however.


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